We ALL have them…
Tim Herrera @ the NY Times says we should let go of the grudges and move forward….
….what does holding onto grudges really get us, aside from amusing anecdotes at parties (and pitch-perfect quips delivered by Ms. Witherspoon)? And what could we gain from giving them up?
I posed this question on Twitter last week, asking if people had ever given up on a grudge and, if so, how that made them feel. The responses were delightfully all over the place.
“Yeah pretty much most of them since entering my 30s,” one respondent said. “It feels cleansing to free up the brain space.”
“Literally not once,” another said.
“I felt neutral!!” one more wrote. “Like I just couldn’t be bothered anymore but also I didn’t feel relieved or anything. Just indifferent.”
The replies kept coming in: “Great. Really free.” “Only after getting my revenge.” “It was, of course, a relief, but also a kind of let down. It’s exciting and fulfilling to hold a grudge.” “Forgiveness is the most rewarding lesson you never stop learning from.” “Bored.” “Liberated. Most of the time if they’ve got my hatred they kind of own me.” A fewpeople replied simply: “No.” (As for me, I gave all of my grudges back to the universe last year, and it felt amazing.)
But my favorite response was the most introspective one I got: “I felt very, very mature. I admitted that my feelings were valid for my situation at the time, but allowed myself to reshape my thinking/attitude based on my personal growth experiences since then. Physically, I felt lighter, but that sounds cliché haha.”
Yes, it does sound cliché, but it’s also a feeling that is backed by the science and research of forgiveness. Really….